What no one told me about college

On my senior college transcript, I have all A’s and a single B. I really wanted a 4.0 GPA, and I worked my hardest to get it, but an 89-point-something in a junior year class brought me down from “perfection.” I had spent the semester working close to full time, saving every penny, studying during every spare moment, and dreaming of what it would be like to see the Big Island and an authentic Hawaiian wedding.

One of my dearest friends was getting married in her hometown—Waimea, Hawaii. I went with my old housemates to witness our girl marry the boy we talked about in our tiny apartment in Northern California. We always wondered about him—if he was “the one” or just someone.

Despite my best efforts to have it all, I ended the semester with a single mark of imperfection, but I don’t regret it at all. I smile every time I think of that B. It’s a reminder that perfection does not equal happiness, and imperfection does not equal failure.

I learned a lot of lessons like that from freshman through senior year. I’m not really sure if they’re the type of things that can be taught or if they have to be learned “the hard way” — but either way, here’s what no one told me about college.

It’s not the just class material that matters—you need to be willing to think through it for yourself.

In other words, independent, critical thinking is more important than memorization. Be challenged, be curious, be transparent. If you don’t agree, say so! If you don’t understand, ask questions. College is a unique learning environment because it takes you out of your comfortable circle of friends and places you among people who might have been on a totally different life-path than you. Learn to empathize with them while holding to your core values. This is a life-skill that will serve you well.

The first few years away from home will solidify who you are as a person.

The choices you make as an undergrad and the values you live by in college are really important. They will create a foundation for what kinds of jobs, friends and families you will have. The “little things” like how you talk about the professor you don’t see eye-to-eye with, or how you handle friend-drama, will reveal your character. It’s really important to act, speak and think in a way you can be proud of.

Your friendships will change and grow.

It’s okay. It’s okay to be closer than you ever thought you could be with someone, and then the next semester barely see them. It’s okay that some people are in your life for only a short period of time. It’s okay to call those people when you miss them, and it’s also okay to find new people. Loyal doesn’t mean that you have the same level of closeness forever; it means that when you need each other you are willing to be there.

It reveals your bad habits.

I had a bad habit of only studying for exams the night before the test and showing up late to most things. I also had a habit of choosing codependent friendships. This habit had followed me from high school to college, but I didn’t realize it until I made my emotional health a priority and started examining what kind of friends I was choosing (and how they affected me). College was a chance for me to see my “blind spots” and start making better choices.

Without a strong goal, you won’t finish.

Four years of classes, being broke, missing your family, struggling to find your right friend group and figuring out your personal core values is a lot. No one said college was easy, but it is worth it. Having a specific goal was sometimes the only thing that kept me on track when every feeling I had said to quit and give up.

If you decide to live small, you can afford to dream big.

This is one of my life mottos. I believe that if you are willing to make sacrifices up-front—drive a used car, always order water at restaurants, and cut down on shopping habits—you’ll be able to save for and afford your big dreams. Is your big dream to graduate college debt-free? You can do it. Make a plan. Maybe your dream is to travel in college. Figure it out! Make a spreadsheet and see how much you need to save per week to go on that trip. If you live small now, your dreams don’t have to stay dreams—you can make them happen!

What I’ll tell you about college is this: Every time I think of that B, I remember how hard I worked to go on that trip, how life-giving it was, and how thankful I was to be there for such a big moment for one of my best friends. I smile about it because that B was totally worth it, and so were all of those other lessons I learned that weren’t found in the textbooks.